reality bites

reality just sets on me. what come around do come around. faith is something that you can't ignored, either you want to belive it or not, it does happen and when it does, you may either laught your heart out or cry to death. either way, life can be preety weird and play a cruel game on us.

sometime you know you are right but you know you can't change anything by saying that you are right. people hear things they want to hear and ignore everything else. they does that very often. initially when everything set in, it hurts. like hell. the burning sensation still cut through my skin now and then.

for the longest time i had ignored fadh's phone call and only then did i picked it up and talked to her without mentioning fizi's name and saying the kitchen is on fire in the same sentence. it wasn't a happy phone call this time. for her, at least. time hasn't been much better for fadh and me either, but the curcumstances are just too weird. it was august two years ago that we broke up. using SMS, no less spectacular and sophisticated, a good two years before the goverment banned the idea of divorce thru SMS. it is possible and nothing wrong with it, but BE a man la. faced it. everything come tumbeling down for fadh as her fiancee choosed his skyline then getting married sometime this month. plus many other anoying issues which i find rather pathetic and funny. Zue (negara) have been her unsecure self again, doubting everything about me and decided to choose the nicer part of life then gamble on me. well, i should have guess it long time ago. secured life and fairy tale ending, doesnt that just sound like me? not? brother grimms it may not be but be sure i have a foot in kafka or joyces classic. everything will eventually come in palce. i ponder. and ponder. but when and why the suddend changes? everything so new for me in just two weeks?

i took the less scenic route this time. time is not on my side, so i say. being on the brink of unsecurity i tied to the long pole that was offered by fadh. she knows me long enought not to play with this rather fragile emotion. she wept through her sentences and letting out small laughter at the end of our conversation that night. i slept a little tighter and hope the sun will coem out soon.

am i making the right choice? am i concious enought to think straight and make decision as big as this in this weird week with little naughty little boy dancing and running riot in my head? i think i do and i doubt thing will change much if i had choosed to sleep on it and decide later.